Things in my head that made me laugh out loud recently

Some things are really funny to me. I worry they're not interesting to others (or too crude), so I have tucked them out of the way here on my blog:

A dream I had:

I was protecting some servers from hackers. Looking back with my conscious mind, my approach was a little bit elaborate: I intentionally left a series of clues for the hackers to find. The clues suggested that the only way to compromise my data security was to travel to a particular place and hang out for a while.

The place where I lured them had wooden benches sort of like a sauna except without the steam. I explained to someone that it's important that the hackers be relaxed. After playing some relaxing music, the hacker was lying on the bench with one foot up and one on the ground--just where I wanted him.

One of the wooden slats had been secretly rigged with pneumatics. When I gave the word, the slat flew up and hit the hacker in the crotch. I recall explaining to someone that the system was designed to hit him really, really hard.

I'm not sure why I didn't kill the hacker, or prosecute him, or do something else that would prevent him from stealing my data. I suspect it had something to do with the pure pleasure of interrupting his malicious, little siesta that way. If only more of our enemies were so gullible.